hmm, i guess this blog was abandoned for a long time and i don't expect anyone to read this anymore.
well, breaking up with my love was the most painful and regretful thing to do :'( it was my fault. this time, i made a freaking huge mistalke and i don't expect him to come back to me so easily. true, we're still contacting but i can't express my feelings towards him. i'm not allowed to. :'( that mistake i did will be with me till my deathbed. thought he says he forgive me, it still doesn't feel the same.
i thank my family that they have given me a second chance. without them, i think i'll still be crying and crying like a helpless person with no one to turn to :( thanks alot guys :)
Raya is coming up really soon. i rmbred that earlier this year, me and bby planned to wear punjabi together :D but now... hmmm. i really miss him and tmr is our 2years and 5months monthsary :'( god, we've come this far and I just had to ruin it.
my handsome boy, i'll never let go of you. though i may seem strong on the outside, no one really knows how i'm feeling right now. i'm trying my freaking best to enjoy life but its not working cos he's not by my side anymore. i really love you, Hairul. so much and i would do anyth just to have you.
so many plans that we've made this year and we didn't manage to fulfill it. Thanks to Me :'( you may be thinking why i'm blaming myself. cos it is my fault.
i just wish i could turn back time and not do things out of anger. when the night i confessed to him, i felt his pain. i rmbred of myself how i cried my heart out when he left me in the past. but for him, it's 1000x the pain, i tell you.
he's my fucking best that i've got. he's my true love and no one can ever replace him. No One.
Honey, i didn't loved you cos of you wealth or looks. It's your pure heart which i fell in love with. Mistakes after Mistakes , Nadrah.
I really wanna prove to my family and him i won't be that stupid bitch anymore. that 15mins, i wanna take it back . :'( i hate myself.
my appetite for eating has decreased so much now. almost everyday, i will only eat one meal per day. a few days, none at all. i just feel so disgusted with myself. literally spasm with my Own Self.
hmm, i can't dwell on the past right now. for the sake of my family and him, i'll try my very best to pass my other two major tests with flying colours :)
Bby's gonna enter NS by next year. hais, i really miss you so much hugging, kissing, irritating, caring, loving, etc me so much. only God knows how much i regret and love him.
words mean nothing. i'll prove with actions from now on.
From the bottom of my heart; I really love and miss you, Mohamed Hairul.
2years and 5months, I thank God for those sweet and memorable moments. it will always be in my mind and heart. Thank you for giving me a man and family who made me realise how fun and important life is.
Love you my BbyMacemm :') do takecare my dear. i'll pray that you will have someone muchmuch better and can takecare of you like i did last time.
Love you, Mohamed Hairul; Ayut Virathan Martini :') 2years 5months.
